Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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