and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
