I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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