Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
