Banned from zoo.
Again?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
