i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
