i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
