I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
