I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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