Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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