You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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