It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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