Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
