Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
