It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He passed out mid-signature
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
