Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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