the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
