nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
