I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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