you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Houston, we have a squirter
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
