You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
