I wish I could teleport
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
