I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
