just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
