I wanna passion pit in your ass
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
