if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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