So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
