If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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