she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize