I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
