my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
where are you?
Hypothermia
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Randomize
