I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
