Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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