I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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