I take back everything I said about communal showers
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
