And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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