I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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