I think I died a long time ago.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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