Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
