Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
