So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
