rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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