you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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