Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
What a dumb baby whore.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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