i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
