i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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