Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
