i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
