I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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