There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
