Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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