OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm just crazy horny about you
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
