Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
