I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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