I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Randomize
