I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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