Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
