At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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