nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
