Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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