Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
