Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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