What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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