If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
