Christians are straight up FREAKS
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
