Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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