Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
And then he peed in my hair
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