I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Success! We fucked roommates!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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