why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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