grandma shit on top of the toilet
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
