nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
soo... how was my night?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
