I want to have your abortion
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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